Justin Baldoni On Undefining Masculinity

Enough Is Enough

Greetings, Brave Ones!

We’re excited to announce that our much-anticipated Soul Boom episode with Justin Baldoni has just dropped! Rainn and Justin have been friends for many years, and this conversation was long overdue. They cover a lot of ground, including Justin’s latest hit film, It Ends With Us.

If you’ve watched It Ends With Us, caught his TED talk, or seen any of his interviews, you know that a major theme for Justin is exploring masculinity—specifically, how men can form a healthier identity that allows them to be a positive presence in the world, with each other, and in their relationships with women. This week, we’re excited to share a powerful excerpt from Justin’s book Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity, which takes apart traditional ideas of manhood and invites us to build something better.

In this short excerpt, Justin reflects on the idea of being "enough." It’s not about checking off society’s list of what it means to be a man. His journey of surrender is raw, real, and speaks to the inner struggle many of us face in trying to meet expectations that never seem to fulfill us.

Throughout his journey, Justin has drawn strength from spiritual wisdom, finding inspiration in the words of others who have explored the depths of self-discovery and transformation. Here are some of the quotes he mentions in Man Enough that have helped guide him on this path:

• “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” — Joseph Campbell

• “Little by little, day by day.” — ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

• “The wound is where the light enters you.” — Rumi

• “O SON OF SPIRIT! Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created.” — Bahá’u’lláh

These words resonate deeply with Justin's personal journey of redefining what it means to be "enough." In Man Enough, he shares how spiritual practices like prayer, daily readings, and service help him find contentment and stay connected to his heart, rather than being distracted by the noise of the world. For him, surrender isn’t passive—it’s an active, ongoing process of changing his thought patterns and understanding himself more deeply. It’s a journey that requires endurance, but it’s one he knows he doesn’t have to take alone. One of his greatest lessons has been the importance of surrounding himself with others who are on a similar path. That’s what building community is about.

What about you? What daily practices help you feel like yourself and remind you that you are already “enough”? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Sincerely,
The Soul Boom Team

Excerpts from Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity

By Justin Baldoni

ENOUGH

Waving the White Flag

A foundational part of this book, and my journey, has been taking the messages that society has given us and trying to reframe them in a way that actually benefits us. It’s the same principle that my TED Talk was based on. Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? Are you confident enough to listen? Are you strong enough to be sensitive? Are you adventurous enough to dive into the deep waters of your shame, into your behaviors, your thought patterns, and the stories you carry that hurt like hell? Are you hardworking and courageous enough to take the journey from your head to your heart?

I needed this type of challenge. I needed to relate my emotional health to my physical health, to think of the heart work as the hard work, as being just as important as a workout in the gym—if not more important. Even if I was reframing the traditional messages in a healthier, more holistic approach, I unknowingly still needed every aspect of this journey to be centered around that same traditional principle of masculinity, that deep-seated desire to be man enough. That is, until I discovered that below the deep-seated desire, there is a more fundamental need.

You know that phrase about sweeping shit under the rug, creating an illusion that your house doesn’t have dirt in it? This journey feels a little bit like that to me... I was subconsciously sweeping all these messages under the rug. And to begin this journey, I had to lift the rug and examine the dirt that had collected there for years... So I’m sifting through all this shit. I’m covered in sweat and dirt and tears. I’m doing the work to get to the bottom of the pile...And yet there is only the bare floor. So I rip up that too, desperate to discover that I am man enough...

But you know what I discovered underneath the messaging, the dirt, the layers of flooring, the foundation? I discovered that what I had mistaken for a desire to be man enough was actually a fundamental need to belong.

At my innermost core, I do not need to be man enough. At my innermost core, I don’t even desire it...So while I spent this part of the journey, and the better part of this book, reframing the traditional messages of masculinity to be more inclusive and holistic, I’m ending the book by doing what arguably may be the most unmasculine thing...

I’m surrendering.

I’m waving the white flag.

Not because of defeat, but because it’s time to be done playing the game by a set of rules that keeps everyone from winning... I need to accept that I am, and that I always have been, enough.

Removing the Armor

I was taught never to quit, to fight for what I want, what I believe in, to endure. I was taught to believe that “good enough isn’t enough” and that second place is the first loser. More. Harder. Faster. No pain, no gain... These I know how to do. But surrender? It just feels so...passive.

It’s almost as if I took off the armor, stood in front of the mirror, looked at myself, and thought, Now what? There has to be more... When you’ve been conditioned to believe that your productivity is a measure of your worth, doing what feels like nothing then indicates your lack of worth. But this was the whole point, right? To uncover that who I am, underneath all the armor, is simply enough.

Robert Fisher’s The Knight in Rusty Armor... tells the story of a heroic knight known for slaying dragons and rescuing damsels in distress... He has become so attached to the armor he is known for that he never takes it off... Eventually he faces his deepest, darkest fear and finally lets go of all the things he had been holding on to, all the things he thought defined him... He had to be willing to detach from and unlearn all he thought he knew, including who the world wanted him to be and who he thought he was. And it is the release of his guilt, judgments, and excuses that allows him to cry the tears of joy that eventually melt away his armor.

Just like every part of this process, my journey has been a continual unfolding as opposed to a one-time revelation... I go days and months with the armor still on—sometimes it’s the full suit; other times maybe it’s just the helmet or the chest plate. But the difference now is that I return again and again to that full-length mirror and take inventory, removing whatever pieces of armor I have consciously or subconsciously put back on…

While everyone’s path will look different, as there can’t be and shouldn’t be a one-size-fits-all approach to this work, here are some of the other things I have found that work for me: going to therapy, prioritizing my mental health, daily affirmations, prayer, moving my body, breath work, check-ins with my male friends, reading books, and (when I am crunched for time) reading and repeating quotes that resonate with me...

It’s easy to see then that while the act of surrendering may not be the sweaty, dirty, laborious work that I had come to value most, it is definitely not passive. To continually show up for yourself, to get to know yourself, to remove the armor, to literally change your thought processes and brain pathways is some of the most important work I have ever done... A journey that has no external validation, no awards, gold stars, or trophies. It’s a journey that begins and ends with me, but in no way is it a journey that I have to take alone.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned on this journey is that I don’t have to go at it alone... I need people. I need to be in relationships with other people who are on this journey, to hear their stories and witness their vulnerability, their shame, their longing, and their belonging. I need to know that while it is a very personal journey, it is also a communal one... We are not just doing it for or with our own selves; we are also doing it together and for the greater good.

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Excerpts from Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity by Justin Baldoni. Justin Baldoni is an actor, director, producer, speaker, and entrepreneur who is focused on creating impactful media and entertainment. In Man Enough, he explores how men can embrace vulnerability and emotional openness, challenging outdated notions of what it means to be "man enough." Through his films, podcast, advocacy, and work as co-chairman of Wayfarer Studios, Baldoni seeks to offers a broader vision for personal growth and social change, encouraging people to live authentically and work toward a more compassionate and interconnected world. Find him on social media: @justinbaldoni.