Day Shift — One Next Right Step

"The universe needs me exactly as I am"

I have a quote from the Buddha: 

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are, yourself. And that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” 

This is not the way I learned to look at myself, nor most of the people I know. And, as a matter of fact, I used to treat myself as if I weren't worthy of love and affection. I used to treat myself as if I were worthy of very little. And what I used to give myself that “very little” was drugs, and alcohol, and cigarettes, and romance, and sex, and anything — anything — anything other than to feel the way it felt to be me. And, somewhere in all of that, this drive inside took me to a place of letting go, progressively, of all those ways of fixing, all those ways of avoiding life.

Something inside drove me to become an actual member of society who, apparently, is value-added to any situation I walk into because I walk into situations asking to be of service, rather than asking to get fixed. But the voice in my head — the one that used to tell me how terrible I was, and how it didn't matter if I ruined my lungs with smoking, and ruined my life with drinking, and ruined my experience of the world with taking drugs — that voice is by and large the same today as it was then.

My life has changed absolutely 180 degrees. The voice in my head still says, basically, “you suck and you should die.” So apparently doing this thing a little better, doing it a little differently, progressing over the years, doesn't change the voice. So why would I listen to it? It's making it all up and it will never tell me I'm okay.

I'm telling you: you're okay. 

I've had to learn to tell myself": I'm okay.

Why am I on the planet? Doesn't matter, I'm here to find that out.

Do I belong on the planet? Am I here? Yes. End of the question.

That's the answer: I belong here.

What am I meant to be doing? That's what this moment is meant to be about.

It's not about trying to get good enough to be okay.

It's about knowing not only that I'm okay, but that the universe needs me exactly as I am, with all of my foibles, and all of my history, and all the bad things I've done and had done to me.

The universe needs me here. And now. And finding my way to be capable of love and finding my way to acceptance of myself. And of you. And of this next moment we share together.

Today, I will find a reason to smile, if only for a moment. And I will ask of something greater than me - of nature, of God, of consciousness, of the universe, of the tree outside my window - to show me one next right step to take. And I'm going to take that step and see where it goes. 

Thanks for listening. Have a beautiful day.

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Jeff Kober is an accomplished actor, photographer and vedic meditation teacher. He has had regular roles in notable series like The Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, and NCIS: Los Angeles, and has appeared in numerous films including Sully and Beauty Mark. Kober is also a writer and artist, and has previously penned screenplays and co-authored the book Art That Pays.